WIN!

So I haven't written in ages. For a new blogger that is a bad, bad thing, and I'm sorry! Every time I hit this site I see that "FAIL!" from the last post and get discouraged. That and a serious lack of time has kept me away... so my apologies... I'll do better I promise.

So... "Win!" ??

Well, I think so! Since the end of October when we had the huge meltdown we have been doing really well! Well enough that on my last appointment with Jeanne she asked me if I wanted to keep coming to talk about "my stuff" since there didn't seem to be any more "stuff" to talk about regarding the relationship with my daughter! Nice to know that I'm still screwed up like everyone else... but at least I am doing less damage to my daughter now, lol!

In fact we have had TWO - count 'em - TWO - arguments that escalated to yelling in the last 5 months. That right there is a WIN! to me :)

So things to catch up on:

Her Father

We met him. He called a couple of months after I wrote him and said he was going to be in town.

She was very hug-y and cuddly in the day leading up to the meeting, and talked a lot about how great it was to grow up with me as a mom. Yes. You read that right. It was probably worth all the worry and stress just to hear that from a 15 year old!

In the end it went fine. We all talked for two hours, and it flowed pretty naturally. There were the inevitable places where we didn't know what to say to each other after almost 15 years, but all in all it was good. I think I talked to much, and my daughter not enough, but she kept lobbing the conversational ball back at me and I kept picking it up.

I did leave them alone to go to the washroom, and my daughter said it was pretty silent, and then she started laughing and they talked about how awkward they each felt, which I think is great!

He has found a great career, is happy, and his family knows about my daughter (I wasn't sure). His kids (he has two more) have asked about my daughter but there was no discussion of them meeting yet.

He and my daughter agreed at the end of the meeting to stay in contact. Actually, he asked her if that was what was going to happen and she said "Well, that IS what civilized people do! But when I asked if she wanted to send him a Christmas card she said "Not that much contact" LOL.

Sadly, he hasn't reached out to us with any of the paperwork finished, or tried to contact us in anyway since the meeting. I have sent an email to follow up, but there has been no response to that yet either. More formal attempts to communicate will follow.

Cooking

She cooks. I know! Another WIN! Well, kinda... the only time she will cook is if I DON'T ask her to do it... I have to just wait for it to happen. Which usually means we are eating at 8 or 9 at night when she is hungry again because she snacked when she got home. Still. I can work with that, and any meal I don't have to cook is a good meal!

Dishes

Yep. I said it. DISHES! She does dishes. I have proof! I came home one day and there she was washing the week's worth of dishes that were still on the counter. Another one of these "wait her out and eventually she will do it" things... but well I can work with that too. lol. I still do the dishes usually, but when I don't do them I don't feel guilty about leaving them to see if she will do them. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but I am grateful of the times that she does do them!

The Carpet

Still not clean. Sigh. We are definitely getting close. The two carpeted rooms that we are borrowing from the empty basement suite are almost to the point where we can have a cleaner it, and her bedroom too is as clean as it will probably get. I think a few more weeks and we will be there. If you asked me 5 months ago if it would take 5 months to get to here I would have said no: I wouldn't have the patience to let her work through it on her own! But she really has made an effort EVERY DAY to get to here. And when you see them making an effort instead of just slacking off it is much easier to be patient.

Well, that's all I have time for today. I'll try and write again soon. I promise!